Fear Favorites By: Nathan

Fear Favorites By: Nathan

Fear helps me do a lot of things sometimes. It has helped me even when, at the time, I thought it was the worst thing in the world. I have hated fear throughout my life, wanting it to go away. If it had, I wouldn’t be the way I was now. When I rode a horse, went on a Universal ride, and when I had my audition for Centennial Children's Chorus. Fear helped me persevere and keep going. If I had fear going into something, I came out on top of it, all because of the doubt I had. The first time that this happened was when I had my first horse ride.

It won’t be that bad. The horse’s name is Boss Hog. The horse seems nice. Maybe. I thought. As the caretaker helped me get on the horse, my fear started to grow and grow. After my family was all settled on their horses, we set off down the trail. I had a caretaker holding on to the bridle of my horse and so did my sister. The first part of the trail was in the forest. There were lots of leaves and I could tell that all the horses wanted to stop and munch on them for as long as they wanted, but we had to keep going. The next part of the trail wound about on the side of a canyon. The path was small and had lots of debris everywhere. As we walked along the leaves crunched every time the horses took a step. I felt my horse flinch with every single one. He was scared, and when he was, I was as well. I felt as though after every sound he would start running and I wouldn’t know what to do if he did. It didn’t help at all when he stepped on a big stick. My horse was heavy, so the branch cracked and made a very loud sound. CRACK! He reared up and out of pure adrenaline (and fear of falling off the cliff), I clung to his neck like a monkey holding onto a branch. The caretaker grabbed onto the bridle and calmed the horse down, but me? I was a different story. I didn’t let go until the horse ride was over. Afterwards, the caretaker told me that I was brave to have held on. The only thing I used was adrenaline. I thought in my head.

That was one of the first times that I used fear to help me. Another time that it helped me out again was my audition for Kids on Broadway. Every year, my choir puts on a performance called Kids on Broadway, where we put on a shortened version of Broadway plays. This year, my choir put on the play Pinocchio. My main goal was to get the part of Jiminy Cricket. He had a solo at the very start of the play. When I walked in, I got the jitters and I sat at the very end of the line of chairs so I could go last. As people started to go, I got more and more scared that I was going to mess up in front of my friends. That fear helped me do great on the audition, but it was scary at the same time. “Alright, Nathan,” I said to myself. “You are going to go up there and show all the other kids how you get Jiminy Cricket.” Yeah, like that’s going to happen. I thought. I shifted my position so I could see better. Now I can see how everyone else does first. After we ran through the solo that Jiminy had to sing and his little speech, we had the audition. As everyone else went, I was getting more nervous. When the last people were left, I was about to hyperventilate. Finally, it was my turn, and I was about to go up and try my hardest. I stood up and went to the front of the classroom to do my part. Then, I thought, If I forget my line, my friends will probably talk about it. I won’t let that happen y’all. With that, I did the part. I hit all the notes, even the low ones and I didn’t forget any of the lines. My fear of messing up helped me sing strong and get the part.

The third time that fear helped me out again was when I got stuck in the bathroom. Mrs. Hale was gone and Mrs. Colino was a sub for her. “Mrs. Colino, can I please go to the bathroom?” I asked her.

“Sure,” Mrs. Colino replied. I hit the button, ran out of the modular, pulled the door open, and headed into the main building. As I walked into the boys bathroom, I started to untie my shorts with one hand while the other unlocked the door to the stall. When I got into the stall, I realized something that made me want to hit myself on the head for. I had tied my shorts in a knot!

“You have got to be KIDDING me,” I said to myself. I did another mental slap on the head for my multi-task. Now I really have to go to the bathroom, but I can’t even pull my pants down! As I struggled with the knot, I felt it getting tighter and tighter. Eventually, I couldn’t bear it any longer. Not caring how much my hips screamed, I yanked my shorts down and was able to go to the bathroom. What I hadn’t noticed was that my shorts had tightened more as they slid down my legs. As I went to pull them back up, I finally noticed it. Biscuits!!! I yelled in my head. The only thing I could do was try to untie the knot again. I crouched down onto the floor of the bathroom and tried to untie the knot. I held the knot with my left hand and struggled to untie it with my right. It wasn’t working. I had sat there for about ten minutes crying and trying to get the knot undone, and then to my joy and embarrassment, two kids walked in. My first thought was scissors, so I could cut the knot and free myself. “May I please have some scissors?” I asked. No reply. I asked again, this time almost crying. No reply and both of them hurried out. I heard them washing their hands and walking away, but one kid came back.

“Do you want me to get a teacher?” The unknown voice asked.

“That would be great,” I replied. I kept trying with the knot until “OUCH! OW, OW, OW, OW, OW, OW, OW!” I yelled out loud. I sneaked a look at my nail. It was torn, and now I couldn’t do anything with my right hand. I heard the kid coming back.

“There is a person in the bathroom asking for scissors,” The kid said. When I heard the teacher walk into the bathroom, She asked, “Are you all right?” 

I spit out the entire story at that moment. “This is Mrs. Schilling.” The teacher said. Oh great, I don’t want a girl to see me like this! I thought. At this point, I was getting pretty desperate. So desperate that I used my left hand to try to untie that stupid knot. At that decision, I got the knot untied with my left hand. I quickly got up and tried to make it like nothing happened. I looked normal except for my face. Mrs. Schilling consoled me and calmed me down a little.

“Wait, who even told you that I was in there?” I asked.

“Rohen did,” Mrs. Schilling replied. It was my fear of being seen like this (by a girl) that helped me use my left hand and get out of the knotty mess.

In those ways, my fears have helped me get out of tough situations where I am scared, nervous, or in an uncomfortable place. This is different than if I had been frozen by my fear, instead of acting in response. If that had happened, I would have fallen off the horse, had to show myself in a state of embarrassment, and failed my audition for a character. My fears have saved me in places where I thought I was done for. They have also shaped me into who I am today. There are stories about why I am scared of the things I am scared of. Big drops, horses, dogs, even wind, thunder, and lightning are scary to me. There is a tall tale for all of them.